How To Boost Your Self-Compassion
Written by Alessandra Martinez
As humans, we all can struggle with negative thoughts. Many times, these negative thoughts are about ourselves and make us feel even worse. We might judge ourselves for saying something awkward, or for making a mistake. Instead of judging ourselves, we can use self-compassion to help us heal. However, we often struggle to show ourselves the same type of warmth that we give to our family and friends. For instance, if you notice that your loved one is suffering, you are likely to respond to their pain by helping them in some way. It is likely that you show them understanding if they made a mistake, instead of judging them or criticizing them. You may wonder how you can start being caring rather than being tough on yourself. You can silence your inner critic by using kindness, empathy, and understanding. This is also referred to as self-compassion. This is the idea of being as kind and caring to yourself as you would be to others.
Self-compassion can be a new way of relating to our lived experience. There are some ways that you can start to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is about mindfully accepting our experience, and nurturing ourselves with kindness and care in response. It is not about making our pain go away. It is not about suppressing how we feel or fighting against our emotions. It is not self-pity. It is not selfish. It is remembering that our human experience can be imperfect, thus highlighting the importance of comforting ourselves to endure any painful emotions.
Similar to other human beings, we suffer, we have bad days, and we make mistakes. This can all be part of the shared human experience.
Self-compassion can start with bringing our attention to the thoughts and emotions we have, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. It is crucial we do not hold on to them or dismiss them. Recognize and label what you are really feeling inside. Approach these thoughts and emotions with emotional warmth. You can replace them with comforting words or even a hug. Recognize and understand that there is a common humanity and you are not alone in this experience. Be open and willing to take care of yourself at that moment.
Some people may experience that things feel worse before they get better. This can be normal. This could happen when we open ourselves to any pain and start the process to heal. If we feel overwhelmed by difficult emotions, it is important to use mindfulness, grounding techniques, or acts of self-care. Give yourself what you need at the moment.
There are many benefits to boosting your self-compassion. It promotes our mental and emotional state and it is related to better immune function and other physiological processes. Having self-compassion is a lifelong skill that can require practice but the lasting benefits can be very fruitful in enhancing your quality of life.
References:
Cleveland Clinic. (2023, August 3). 4 techniques for practicing self-compassion. Cleveland Clinic.
Neff, K. (2023). Self-Compassion.