How To Forgive Yourself For Past Mistakes
Written by Alessandra Martinez
Part of being human means we have made mistakes in the past or done things that we wish we would have done differently. Sometimes, those things can carry on and feel like a heavy weight that stays on our shoulders. That weight can be heavy and riddles us with regret, guilt, and shame. We might even blame ourselves and criticize who we are because of these things from the past. To move forward helpfully, we must learn to forgive ourselves. Forgiving ourselves can unlock the ability to feel lighter about the future forward.
The question is: How do I unlock the power of self-forgiveness?
Below are some things to consider:
1. Recognize and Validate Your Feelings
One of the first steps is recognizing the hurt and pain related to your mistake. Neglecting these feelings will only strengthen them. Feel what you feel: sadness, anger, or shame. Affirm your emotions by saying, “It’s alright to feel this way. This mistake was significant, and feeling sad or hurt is normal.”
2. Take Responsibility (without self-criticism)
Part of the process of forgiveness is acknowledging your responsibility in the situation. This does not mean punishing yourself or criticizing yourself further. Acknowledge what you did wrong, but avoid getting into a cycle of negative thoughts. Negative thoughts might be “what ifs” or telling yourself messages of self-blame. Focus on the things that you learned from this mistake instead.
3. Look at the Context
Reflect on the situation more compassionately. Ask yourself if outside pressures or other factors have affected your actions. Did you know the same things or have the same level of maturity you have now? Reflecting on the circumstances can help you better understand that past version of yourself, therefore, build more empathy.
4. If Possible, Make Amends
Making amends may be appropriate if the mistake caused harm to another person. This might involve offering a genuine apology or taking action to resolve the situation. If this is not possible, you can also focus on self-growth.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
How would you treat a friend in a similar situation? Bring that same compassion to yourself. Imagine what you would tell a loved one and repeat the loving and kind words to yourself. For additional tips, you can check out this blog post on practicing self-compassion: https://www.smartcounselingca.com/blog/how-to-boost-your-self-compassion
6. Be Present and Look Towards the Future
What often keeps us stuck is when we marinate our thoughts about the past. Dwelling on the past often leaves us feeling down. Take a deep breath. Take a moment to think about the here and now. Perhaps there are positive steps you can take to learn and be better next time. Ask yourself, “What can I do differently moving forward?” Maybe there are goals you have that motivate you to grow and improve. Make these goals easy and realistic. No matter how small, celebrate your progress.
7. Find Support
Trying to work through past mistakes and regret can be complex and challenging. Understandably, the journey towards forgiving yourself is a bumpy road. If you find yourself struggling, there are resources available to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapy can allow you to explore these challenges and learn better tools to foster your growth.
Being able to move forward after past mistakes is a marathon, not a race. It is a journey that takes time, patience, and the openness to be kinder to yourself. Remember that self-forgiveness may be challenging to achieve. Continue to reflect on the steps mentioned above and prioritize caring for yourself. Little by little, you can lighten the load on your shoulders and proceed forward more brightly. Please feel free to release the burdens from the past. Mistakes do not define you. We are human, and we all make mistakes. Know that you are worthy of happiness.